How to Pick Your Executor (Without Starting a Family Feud)

Choosing an executor (called a “personal representative” in many states) is one of the most important—and most overlooked—decisions in your estate plan. This person (or institution) will gather your assets, pay final bills and taxes, and carry out the instructions in your will. The right choice keeps things smooth and drama-free. The wrong choice can slow everything down.

 

Here’s a practical guide from The Eastman Law Firm, P.C. to help you decide confidently.

What Your Executor Actually Does

• Locates your will, notifies beneficiaries, and opens the estate with the court

• Marshals assets (bank/brokerage accounts, property, business interests)

• Pays valid debts, final expenses, and taxes (with the help of professionals)

• Keeps records and provides required accountings

• Distributes what’s left according to your will and closes the estate

Translation: It’s a project management job with legal and financial to-dos—organization and follow-through matter more than “who’s the oldest sibling.”

Qualities to Look For

• Reliability & availability. Responds to emails, meets deadlines, returns calls.

• Financial common sense. Comfortable with budgets, statements, and working with a CPA/advisor.

• Impartiality. Treats beneficiaries fairly; can say “no” when needed.

• Calm under stress. Estates can bring out emotions—steady temperament helps.

• Location (nice-to-have). Nearby is convenient for banks and property, but not essential if they’re organized and tech-savvy.

Red Flags (Think Twice)

• History of financial problems, litigation, or substance abuse

• Poor communication or strained relationships with other beneficiaries

• Overcommitted schedule or frequent relocations

• Likely conflicts of interest (e.g., owes you money, business entanglements)

Should You Name a Family Member, Friend, or Professional?

Family Member or Friend

Pros: Knows your wishes and family dynamics; may waive or reduce fees.
Cons: Grief, sibling politics, and complex assets can overwhelm them.

Corporate Fiduciary (bank trust department or professional executor)

Pros: Experience, neutrality, strong systems, continuity.
Cons: Minimum fee/asset requirements; less personal.

Hybrid Approach

Name a family member + corporate co-executor(or allow the family member to hire and rely on a professional). This blends personal insight with expertise.

Co-Executors: Smart or Messy?

• When helpful: Big/complex estates, blended families, or when you want both a family voice and professional administration.

• When problematic: If co-executors don’t get along or must sign everything jointly, administration slows down.
  Tip: If you use co-executors, allow either one to act independently unless you truly want dual signatures.

Backup (Successor) Executors

Always name at least one successor in case your first choice can’t serve. Life happens—moves, illness, or a declined appointment can derail a plan that has no backups.

Executor Compensation

Executors are typically entitled to reasonable compensation(often set by statute or the court).

• Spell out your preference in your will: allow statutory fees, a flat fee, or a waiver.

• If a family member serves, compensation can reduce friction by acknowledging the real work involved.

Special Situations

• Minor Beneficiaries: Coordination with a trustee is key; consider naming different people for executor vs. trustee to add checks and balances.

• Business Owners: Pick someone who can stabilize operations quickly and is comfortable hiring advisors—or appoint a professional and empower them in your will. Pair this with a strong buy–sell or succession plan.

• Blended Families: Neutrality matters. A professional or a co-executor structure can reduce tension.

• Real Estate Heavy Estates: Choose someone who can handle property management, insurance, and sale logistics.

What to Tell Your Executor (Now, not later)

• That you’ve named them—and ask for their consent to serve

• Where the original will and key documents are stored

• Contact info for your attorney, CPA, and financial advisor

• A high-level list of assets, accounts, passwords (use a password manager with emergency access), and important bills

• Any special wishes that aren’t in the will (use a separate letter of instruction)

Sample “Shortlist” Exercise (15 Minutes)

1. Write 3 names you trust with money and deadlines.

2. Cross out anyone likely to clash with your beneficiaries.

3. Circle the person most available for 6–12 months of intermittent work.

4. Add one professional option (bank trust dept. or licensed fiduciary).

5. Choose a primary and at least one successor. Done.

How to Document Your Choice

• In your Will: Clearly name your executor and successors, address bond (waive or require), and allow independent administration where permitted.

• Coordinate Roles: If your trust will own assets, you’ll also name a trustee. These can be the same person, but don’t have to be.

• Powers Clause: Give practical powers (sell assets, hire professionals, manage real estate) to avoid repeated court approvals.

Can You Change Your Executor Later?

Absolutely. You can update your will with a codicil or create a new will. Review your choice after major life events: marriage/divorce, deaths, moves, relationship changes, or significant increases in wealth/complexity.

FAQs

Should my eldest child be executor?
Only if they’re the best fit. Age order isn’t a qualification.

Can a beneficiary be executor?
Yes. Many estates run smoothly with a beneficiary serving, especially when the person is organized and fair.

What if my executor lives out of state?
Usually fine. Some states impose extra steps or require a local agent—your attorney will tailor the documents.

How long does the job take?
Simple estates can wrap up in months; complex ones may run a year or more. Picking someone diligent keeps things moving.

Ready to Make (or Revisit) Your Choice?

The executor decision sets the tone for your entire estate. The Eastman Law Firm, P.C. can help you evaluate candidates, structure co- or professional roles, and draft the powers your executor needs to work efficiently—so your plan is both thoughtful and practical.

 

This article is for general educational purposes and isn’t legal or tax advice. Your situation may call for different structures or instructions.